wild things.

Dear Maurice Sendak,

"Please don't go. We'll eat you up. We love you so."

We'll miss you.
picture sources:
1234

Chewsday: Books We Read.

Ben always reads long and intense books. I am making it my habit this year to read more books instead of articles. I love factual things and I really enjoy reading articles that educate me but for 2012 I really want to read more fiction. Just recently I was able to read a great book by Vendela Vida, Let The Northern Lights Erase Your Name. It was a simple read with rich fictional content.

Pros:
-Vendela does a great job developing the main character Clarissa Iverton.
-You learn a lot about Lapland!
-Some people never change and that's just life--I love the realness of that.

Cons:
-I didn't want it to end!

-M.

One of the long, intense books I read recently, was Love Medicine by Louise Erdrich.
A gripping epic about family ties, growing up, and the power of love, Love Medicine is a good read for anyone interested in Native American culture, experimental fiction, or effective use of character. Erdrich's famous short story "The Red Convertible" comes from this book, so if that means anything to you, as it should, go pick up this book!

Pros:
-so many characters you'll never get sick of any one narrative voice
-such a huge time span you get to travel through many different ages and stages for several of the characters
-you'll learn a lot about Ojibwe culture

Cons:
-you have to use a family tree that is provided by the author to navigate much of the novel.
-This book is long...so if that bothers you...
-there are no real cons to any book...except those written by Joel Osteen.

-Ben.

Chewsday: A Farewell To Arms

So this Tuesday I am going to present A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway as something to chew on.

A Farewell to Arms is the story of a wartime love affair between Frederic Henry and Catherine Barker. Henry, known as "Tenente" throughout most of the book, is serving as an ambulance driver in the Italian army during WWI. As an American volunteering overseas, we are immediately confronted with the reality that he is isolated and dissatisfied, different from his peers. Hemingway masterfully examines the masculine experience by highlighting Henry's relationship with his Italian friends, and uses their association as soldiers to discredit the war from with many different voices. 

While AFTA is about WWI and all of the adventures that the war effort confronts Henry with, (being shot at, being wounded, shooting someone, drinking A LOT, almost drowning, eventually deserting) possibly more important is his relationship with Catherine, a British nurse whom he meets and impregnates. As sparse as Hemingway's language is, he is able to communicate a real sense that Henry loves Catherine, and by the end of the novel we are taken on quite an emotional rollercoaster. Because I sense that mostly girls read this blog, I'll leave out the better-than-twilight details of the best love affair of World War One and tell you to either read the book or watch the movie featuring Rock Hudson. Not only is this story riveting, exciting, and lovely, but it is a classic--voted one of the top 100 books of the 20th c by the MLA--completely worthy of your facebook favorite book section and a prideful "I'm smart" smiling admission when you are next asked what you've been reading. Chew on that.

By-the-way-Friday: Stuff White People Like

By-The-Way-Fridays will usually look like every other blog out there. For instance, you may often find random lists of things we want to buy, pictures of our most recent latte art experiences, rants about the government, or movie reviews written as if we are the hipster version of Robert Ebert....actually probably not. These are just normal blog posts.

We are White people and this blog strikes several chords.

#127 Where the Wild Things Are

July 13, 2009 by clander

It is a guarantee that whenever it is announced that a popular book is being turned into a movie, white people will get upset. This is partly due to their fear that something they love will be made accessible to more people and thus enjoyed by more people which immediately decreases the amount of joy a white person can feel towards the original property. Yes, it’s complicated.

The other problem is that these announcements create a ticking time bomb where by a white person must read the book in ADVANCE of the release of the movie. This is done partly so that they can engage in the popular activity of complaining about how the movie failed to capture the essence of the book. But more importantly, once a book has been made into a movie, a white person can no longer read that book. To have read the book after the movie is one of the great crimes in white culture, and under no circumstances should you ever admit to doing this. Literally dozens of white friendships have imploded when it was revealed that someone read Fight Club after 1999.

So when it was announced that Where the Wild Things Are was being turned into a feature film, white people didn’t immediately get excited at the prospect of this film, in fact a great number of white people cringed when they first heard it was being turned into a movie. This was merely instinct. Immediately, those concerns quickly turned into an opiate-like peace when they found out that the film is being directed by white person favorite Spike Jonze and adapted for the screen by legendary white writer Dave Eggers.

Though the talent and the material has white people in a tizzy, the real excitement comes from the fact that this film is based off a book that is 48 pages long and made up mostly of illustrations. This means that white people do not have to re-read the book until the day they head to the movie theater. Thus freeing them up to watch The Director’s Series: The Work of Spike Jonze DVD which they bought years ago but only watched once.

Finally, and perhaps of most value to you is that the film has generously provided you with an excellent way to test out how many white friends you have. When the trailer was released a few months ago, you should have been inundated with emails, instant messages, and Facebook wall posts about how you need to see the trailer immediately. If you received no word that the trailer was available, then you currently are in possession of no white friends. If you received multiple notices, you should take note about who sent it to you first.

#128 Camping

August 14, 2009 by clander

If you find yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car you would likely describe that situation as a “nightmare” or “a worse case scenario like after plane crash or something.” White people refer to it as “camping.”

When white people begin talking to you about camping they will do their best to tell you that it’s very easy and it allows them to escape the pressures and troubles of the urban lifestyle for a more natural, simplified, relaxing time. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In theory camping should be a very inexpensive activity since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is.

Camping is a multi-day, multi-step, potentially lethal activity that will cost you a large amount of both time and money. Unless you are in some sort of position where you absolutely need the friendship of a white person, you should avoid camping at all costs.

The first stage of camping always involves a trip to an outdoor equipment store like REI (or in Canada, Mountain Equipment Co-Op). These stores are well known for their abundance of white customers and their extensive inventory of things for white people to buy and only use once. If you are ever tricked into going to one of these stores, you can make white people like you by saying things like “man, this Kayak is only $1200, if I use it 35 times I’ve already saved money over renting.” Note: do not actually buy the kayak.

Next, white people will then take this new equipment and load it into an SUV or Subaru Outback with a Thule or Yakima Roof Rack. Then they will drive for an extended period of time to a national park or campsite where they will pay an entrance fee and begin their journey. It is worth noting that white people are unaware of the irony of using a gas burning car to bring them closer to nature and it is not recommended that you point this out. It will ruin their weekend.

Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep, walk around some more. Then get in the car and go home. This, of course, is a best case scenario. Worst case scenarios include: getting lost, poisoned, killed by an animal, and encountering an RV. Of these outcomes, the latter is seen by white people as the worst since it involves an encounter with the wrong kind of white people.

Conversely, any camping trip that ends in death at the hands of nature or requires the use of valuable government resources for a rescue is seen as relatively positive in white culture. This is because both situations might eventually lead to a book deal or documentary film about the experience.

Ultimately the best way to escape a camping trip with white people is to say that you have allergies. Since white people and their children are allergic to almost everything, they will understand and ask no further questions. You should not say something like “looking at history, the instances of my people encountering white people in the woods have not worked out very well for us.”

#6 Organic Food

January 19, 2008 by clander

Because of the balance of global wealth and power, there is a general assumption that white people are pretty shrewd. And for the most part, history has proven this to be true. But white people have one great weakness: organic food.

As seen by the image on the left – when faced with eating food that has been processed and loaded with nitrates, sodium and saturated fat, or organic rat poison, 10/10 they will take the rat poison.

Just like with farmers markets, white people believe that organic food is grown by farmers who wear overalls, drive tractors, and don’t use pesticide. In spite of the fact that most organic food is made by major agribusiness, and they just use it as an excuse to jack up prices, white people will always lose their mind for organic anything. Never mind the fact that if the world were to switch to 100% organic food tomorow, half the earth would die of starvation.

But white people don’t care, just so long as they aren’t eating pesticides they are pretty sure they can live forever.

It’s almost guaranteed that if some Columbian drug lord can start offering “organic” cocaine, he’ll be the richest guy ever.